The Business of Love

Episode #35 Q&A #2

Episode #35 Q&A #2

 

• Devin - Kennesaw, GA
  • Hey guys… love your podcast, and I am watching your podcast with my wife on Sunday mornings. She introduced it to me, reluctantly I might add. Sorry to say. I really liked it though. So we listen to it together which has been great. My question is: my wife works full time, as do I.  I wish she would cook more. After work, she says she’s too tired and then picks up some take out and we often times eat out of a bag at the kitchen table. That’s ok sometimes, yet it seems we are getting farther and farther away from a home cooked meal. Do you have any suggestions for me?

 

• Jean from Melbourne, Australia
  • I LOVE your podcast.  Please, please, please… I am single and I’m ready to mingle!  I have such a difficult time connecting with men that I find interesting. I work in the financial industry and I’m around men all the time. Most of them I don’t find interesting or someone I’d enjoy spending time with, SIGH. Where are the interesting MEN?

 

• Paul - St. Petersburg, Russia
  • You two look like so much fun together. I’m not good at meeting women. I don’t feel confident. Dan, what would you tell me? I’m 32 and single.

 

• Lena - Leipzig, Germany
  • You two are so cute, so fun. In our German culture, we are not raised to share feelings. Often times people would say we are stoic. I would like my husband and I to be more happy together. We are happy, not too much talking though. Do you think we can get better. My husband did watch your last episode with me and he liked it. He said Dan looks similar to his uncle!

 

New Episode Drops Every Sunday at 8am PST

 

 

Episode #34 Don't Make Assumptions

Episode 34: Don’t Make Assumptions

Mind Reading - and NLP term that simply says how we “read someone’s mind” about what they are going to do or how they are going to respond.

It’s easier said than done…

Friends of ours...

• Making assumptions of why, what he is thinking, and what he is going to do when she approaches him.

This person felt:

Business example:  Email that was sent out and there was no response:

Assumptions:

• You don’t like what I said
• You don’t want to participate
• You’re being selfish by not responding

She felt?  helpless...

Waiting at an airport for a flight to go home… and you see someone in the distance that you recognize… and for a moment, you think they saw you, yet they turn around and walk away.

Assumptions:

• They ignored you.
• They don’t like you enough to engage

You FELT:  alone, unliked, questioning did something happen… 

We are wired to make assumptions:

Steps:  

Be Mindful and Present:  Getting back to being curious and questioning your own thought process.

Because “what if” that’s not the case…

Another example:  Jennifer

Action Steps:

 

• Rather than making assumptions, GET CURIOUS
  • Take a Breath - pause
• Question your thought process
  • what other things could be possible here?
  • Has he/she ever done something to intentionally hurt or harm you?

• Underlying Belief: Your partner wants to help you and/or protect you.
• Address the situation
• HOW
  • Pre-frame:  Because Frame… linking to wanting the best.

 

New Podcast Drops Every Sunday at 8am PST

Episode #33 Level Up Your Leadership Skills

Episode 33:  Level Up Your Leadership Skills

Leadership skills are paramount to grow a business. 

If you were going to hire someone to help you grow your business, what type of skills would you want?

Go ahead and write down 3 characteristics of a great leaders. 

 

Leaders in business:  

1. Do what you say you’re going to do.
2. Make Decisions that are for the greater good.
3. Good Listener - When Necessary
4. Sense of Balance
5. Honest
6. Good Communicator
7. Has a Game plan
8. Not Being afraid to Tell the truth.

Dan:  Phil Jackson, Tony Robbins, Peter Boesen, My Dad, 

Jennifer: Doug Johnson, 

 

Action Steps:

Let’s go through the 8 listed leadership qualities and rate yourself along with your partner.

1. Do what you say you’re going to do
2. Make Decisions that are for the Greater Good
3. Good Listener - When Necessary
4. Sense of Balance
5. Honest
6. Good Communicator
7. Has a Game Plan
8. Not Being Afraid to Tell the Truth

 

New Business of Love Podcast Drops Every Sunday at 8am PST

Episode #32 Great Relationships are Messy, Just Like Great Sex

Episode #32: Great Relationships are Messy, Just Like Great Sex

 

Our Relationship is as STRONG as it’s ever been, yet it had to get a little messy first.

Even though we knew how to communication and ways to connect, life takes over sometimes.

 

Jennifer Story -  being afraid going through disease…

• Habits were formed…
• If you’re upset at how you are being treated by your partner, you’re partly at fault.
• People think when you find the love of your life… things will be perfect.  And when things aren’t SMOOTH… people get discouraged.

   

• • BUT, that moment is the opportunity for GROWTH.

IN BUSINESS - when things start to unwind, or slow down… you have the opportunity to create something new

DISRUPTION - Business Parallel 

CEO’s Fear Disruption.  (Tim Sanders) - How to stay agile/moveable - GRAPH

Summary - Marriage is Messy / Great Sex is Messy

 

• First few times.. giving it your best
• Messy until you know what you are doing.

 

ACTION STEPS

1. Psychological side … you need to know that no matter how great your marriage is, you’re gonna have some messy spots… and that’s good.
2. When you See something SAY something - Later means worse.
3. Talk to your Partner in a non-blaming fashion - “We” and Because frames.
4. Follow Your Heart

New Podcast Drops Every Sunday Morning at 8am PST

Episode #31 Monthly Goals to Increase Connection

Episode 39: Monthly Goals for Connection

Marriage is a complex situation surrounded by moving parts that impact multiple areas of the relationship… and with kids, careers and everyday life, having a simple FUNDAMENTAL resource to help us win is both imperative and enjoyable.

You hear people talk about date night…  and what that really is, is an ACTION strategy to keep us connected and interact outside of our family business.

Think about it -  Most of us have multiple facets to our relationship:

• Careers
• Finances
• Accidents
• Injury
• Health Issues
• Kids
• Parents
• In-Laws

Research tell us when WE are moving forward and HITTING a goal, we feel better about ourselves. When we share this experience with our partner, it can add depth to the relationship.

 

Monthly Goal Setting (MGS) Action Plan:

On Your Own or with your Partner:

• Write down on paper things you would like to accomplish or things you have been thinking about doing for a while.
• Write them all down.
• You are going to pick two goals:
  • The first goal is you MUST goal.  This is what you MUST accomplish this month.  Could be a project (building a deck), could be an activity (taking my daughter to see her Taylor Swift).. could be a personal activity - (working out 3x per week) or (reading to my kids every night). 

• • The 2nd goal is a goal you would like to accomplish. Maybe it’s something you’ve been thinking about, yet you haven’t taken any action yet.
    • Break that GOAL down into doable action steps.
    • Example: Goal - Build a back porch.  Doable action steps moving toward could be:
      • Make an inventory of all the supplies I”ll need to get started next month
      • Find out the cost - making inventory of supplies.
    • GET A NEW JOB
      • This month’s goal… get my resume together to I can get my name out there next month.

 

So, you have 2 goals. ONE MUST goal and one goal you are moving toward, yet that goal is broken down into doable steps.

If you do this together, you can put on some music… have some wine and make it a 60-minute project together. Have some fun with it.

If you are doing it alone…  then get together with your partner and go through your plan.

At the end of the month… it does a few things:

• Gives you sense of accomplishment
• Self-Esteem goes up
• Have a deeper connection with your partner.
• Become their support system or cheerleader
• Share your results with your kids… learning experience.

Action Plan:

1. Set up MGS Action Plan with your spouse.  Do it now. You don’t have to wait for the start of the month.  You can do it now… and do a 2-week version.
2. Get together and walk through your MGS Action plan. 
3. Be OPEN and Vulnerable.  Let down the guard!
4. Be positive
5. Encourage if necessary yet DON’T check up on them. No Nagging
6. Celebrate successes
7. Talk about it when you fall short.

 

New Episode Drops Every Sunday at 8am PST

Episode #30 Marrying for Money or for Love

Episode 30: Marrying for Money or Love

First of all, yes, you can do both. You can have both money, love AND happiness… you can have it all. 

Jennifer, I want to interview you today… this is a topic that will be of interest both to women who are in the dating market… and men who are wondering if they can find the right woman for them.

 

So let me set this up: MONEY vs Love 

 

Two parts here:  1st part:  From the female perspective:

You are attractive, intelligent, fun… a laundry list of positives… I’m saying this from my perspective.  YOU Can have your choice of MEN.

You married me…  and when you married me, I was two years out of a divorce and I wasn’t in the financial position that I could have been… yet you chose me.  

So my question is… with today’s social media flaunters and what our society pushes as important… what was your strategy when you were single in regards to MONEY or LOVE?

 

Conversation:

 

Did you date wealthy men?

Did you have a filtering system or standards for career choice?

How did you know you made a mistake?

 

Now for the MEN:

I want to hear you advice to MEN who aren’t CRUSHING it financially right now… what would you tell them?

 

Self-Esteem

Self-Image

Action Steps:

• Follow Your Heart 
• Money comes and Goes -  
• What is Important to YOU?

 

New Episode Every Sunday Morning at 8am PST

Episode 29 Relationship Myths 1

Episode #36: Relationship Myths

 Talking about Common Bad Advice given by relationship experts… and we’re going to discuss it.

 

• Don’t Go to Bed Angry

Amy Serin, co-founder and Chief Science Officer of The TouchPoint Solution who holds a PhD in clinical psychology, believes otherwise.

She told me, "Never go to bed angry is bad advice because many couples think they need to force themselves to try to resolve problems immediately to get them over with before bedtime. This can backfire because if one or both partners is angry, it's best to not discuss an issue until both partners are calm. Now it's a great thing if people can calm themselves down so they don't go to bed angry, but when this is difficult, it's best to go to bed angry and re-visit the problem at a time when both are calm."

 

Jennifer: “Explanation” - 

• going to bed is my “go to”.. my superpower.
• I love you, I’m irritable, I’m going to bed.

In business…  assess the situation, then address it. You don’t have to handle it RIGHT NOW… maybe you need to think about it.  In relationships, ppl often time explode quicker. Take a minute.

Always Be Forgiving

 

"'You always need to forgive' is bad advice for someone in a relationship who is being emotionally or physically abused. If someone does something that needs forgiving, it may be that the burden of change should be on them, not the person who was hurt."

 

Jennifer: Yes… expand - yet in a healthier relationship, forgiveness comes into play, yet so does being curious. Get Curious. 

 

It’s NOT just forgiveness. 

 

You can find understanding when you get curious.

 

In business, it’s not about forgiveness, it’s about “the reality of the situation”... in business, we have to produce, execute, hit our numbers, etc.  If the person, or vendor is not performing, you don’t just forgive, you ask questions to see if they are misunderstanding… or you get another vendor.  

 

Find the root… and make certain it’s not happening again.

 

 

• Dates are Like Job Interviews

 

 

On the surface, it makes sense to treat a first date (or the first few dates) the same way you would a job interview. In both situations, you're looking for a good fit that benefits both parties mutually, often for the long-term. But heading to your first date with a notebook of pointed questions for your future husband is not the best strategy.

Sexologist and relationship expert Noni Ayana told me there's a better way to handle dating. "My top dating rule is 'date as if you're meeting a new friend, not a potential spouse.' 

Jennifer: Expand - When Dating, ppl are their best selves and bring their representatives - when meeting a new friend, you’re more relaxed and more “yourself”

 

In Business, even though the interview process is commonly used, it’s not the BEST method to find a candidate.  They ALWAYS bring their best self… kinda like a first date. You don’t really get to know the employee until they are hired.

 

So in dating, I would agree to keep a more casual vibe in your first or early dates.

 

Summary:

1. Don’t Go to Bed Angry.. and we firmly disagree… often times it’s good to let things cool and wake up with a new attitude.
2. Always Be Forgiving - It’s not about forgiving.. it’s about the reality of the situation.  Get Curious Jennifer.
3. Dates are Like Job interviews:  Too stiff… relax and let your personality flow.

 

New Episode Drops Every Sunday

Episode #28 Q&A with Listeners 1

Episode #28 Q & A #1

 

Q & A

 

Cindy from Denver:

• I just love your podcast and how you both communicate with one another with love and mutual respect. How can I get my husband to be more respectful when we communication

 

Yolanda - Orlando, FL

• My fiancee and I are planning our wedding and we’re having difficulties coming to an agreement on what type of wedding we want.  I want a more traditional wedding and he simply wants to share our vows and basically have a party. We are just getting started and I am coming undone!! HELP

 

 

 

Travis - Lawrence, KS.

• My wife and I have been married for 6 years. Overall a solid relationship. Our son T2 is about to turn 2yrs old and we are having major issues on discipline and rules. I know that’s a broad question, yet do you have any suggestions for us to come together?

 

 

 

Gloria - Toronto, Canada

• I just love you guys… thanks for much for what you do!!  Well, my husband and I have been married for 8 years. We’ve had our ups and downs, yet overall, our marriage is solid. I’m 35 yrs old, my husband is 45… and I need more sex. It’s difficult to communicate with him about that as he seems to take offense.  Jennifer, what would you do?

 

New Episode Drops Every Sunday Morning at 8am

 

 

Episode #27 The Five Stages of Marriage... and a Business.

Episode #27: The 5 Stages of Marriage... and a Business

1. Romance

 

2. Reality - Chemical changes from oxytocin… then the little things can annoy you.

1. 1. Messy bathroom
   2. Being Short
   3. The NORMALness of life. Bills, kids, challenges.

3. Resentment - Resentment builds without the Power of Conversation. (can of soda)

4. Rebellion - Is what happens if you DON’T deal with Resentment.

 

1. 1. Shopping too much
   2. Not coming home right away.
   3. Drinking
   4. Out with Friends
   5. Cheating

5. Renewal/Restoration - Always begins from the HEART

 

1. 1. Not about changing them - YOU MET THEM THAT WAY
   2. It’s about seeing them different.
   3. Coming from Appreciation rather than judgement.

Action Steps

1. If you KNOW that when you enter a marriage or relationship, you have the 5 Stages of marriage, just the same in Business… then you are more prepared for the journey.

2. If you KNEW… you would see it differently

3. Enjoy the Romance

4. Understanding the “Reality Stage” is not the end of the romance, its’ the beginning.  It’s when you “prove” yourself to each other.

5. If or when you hit resentment… YOU MUST have conversations.

1. 1. without conversation, the RESENTMENT grows…
   2. Softeners - frames

6. We hope you don’t find the Rebellion Stage. If you find yourself in Rebellion… 

 

1. 1. go get some professional assistance. 
   2. Take Responsibility.  (If you LEAVE.. you have to take yourself with you)

7. The KEY to get to RENEWAL and Restoration is to find appreciation for your partner (or your job).

 

1. 1. Putting yourself back to when you were in love (or just started)
   2. Journal
   3. Doing things for your partner that you know makes them happy.

 

New Podcast Every Sunday Morning at 8AM PST

Episode #26 Do the Work, Don't Just Talk About It

Episode #33: Do the Work, Just don’t Talk About It

We see people talking about what they are going to do or what they should do in the areas of personal development and religion

People talk about change but they don’t really do it

Secondary gain - they get to complain and talk about how dramatic their life is yet they get to talk about how much they know. A need for recognition - instead of actually live it, they just talk about it

The problem with that is, (at first, the person is awesome - but then after a time you find out it’s not the truth and you lose respect

Often times we know so many tools to help our lives and relationships yet, once we stop reading the book, leave church or the seminar, we tend to not utilize or put into action what we’ve learned. 

Why? We truly are creatures of habit… We have to replace behaviors not just change behaviors. 

Why be attached to the drama of your life? If you talk about God principles or personal development tools, work with them and put them into action daily

 

Action Steps:

• When you’re tempted to go into the drama or story about something you’re experiencing, stop and ask yourself… 

 

• If we’re talking to you then attempt to be more cognizant of things that you’re sharing - have more discretion about what you're sharing. 

 

• Start out small and then go and complete something. 

 

Another secondary gain is the insecurity so they can prove that they’re so knowledgeable.  (You see this in business all the time)

 

New Episode Drops Every Sunday Morning at 8am PST