Episode #37: Relationship Myths Continued #2

  1. Closure is Essential: 

Erica McCurdy, a certified master coach informed me, "Closure is overused and rarely gives either side the answers and mental rest that the client imagines it will. We often want closure when we have failed to address a situation at the time it took place. Because we have allowed time to pass, we have stewed, anguished, agonized over unimportant issues until they have grown into something much bigger than they ever needed to be."

 

Her advice? "Drop closure off at the curb, it's not your friend. Pick a new place to hang out and move on."

 

Jennifer: 

  • If they feel they need closure, it’s more to rehash things rather than moving on.
  • If you handle a situation properly, you won’t need closure later.

 

In business… if I am the the VP of sales and I’m having an issue with one of my sales reps…  

  • You typically assess the situation
  • Make decisions about where the “challenge was”
  • Find a solution
  • Move on

 

In a relationship… the emotions are wound up a bit tighter… and we typically feel like we want “closure”...  It’s OFTEN TIMES because “they” don’t get what they need… and keep going.  

  • Maybe take a bit… and assess.

2. Marriage or Bust

The pressure of social norms.  We have get married. “Daniel and Hayley…”

There is no norm… anymore.

In business, many ppl are now breaking out of what was the norm…. getting a job, etc.  In the past… social norm was to get an education and get a good job and retire. Now, the script has been flipped…. 

If being an entrepreneur makes you happy, working 9-5pm will kill you.

Maybe just being in a healthy, loving relationship is perfect… without the paper.

 

  • Trust Your Family and Friends advice

 

Licensed mental health counselor Daryl Cioffi told me, "I often find that my couples have warped senses of healthy behaviors in their relationships. Some of the worst advice comes from friends and family members because they themselves have unhealthy relationship patterns."

Summary:  

  1. Closure is essential… it’s NOT Essential. Sometimes you need to assess
  2. Marriage or Bust - Do what’s right for you
  3. Trust Your Family and Friends Advice - Check the Source

 

Cultivate Health Intuition and Relationship habits.

Dr. Barbara Winter notes that, "Bad advice from an expert is telling someone exactly what to do: get a divorce, break up, end the relationship, albeit romantic, familial, business, etc." This kind of pointed, instructive guidance, then, should not be heeded from experts, no matter how well-meaning or logical it may sound. Rather, the expert's job is to guide their patient into making healthy, heartfelt decisions on their own.

Dr. Winter continued, "It's not bad advice when we recommend how to best engage, speak, or treat a partner to make a relationship healthier." So learn how to be an active listener who can make the most out of what you're told from professionals. Interrogate a situation and use the wisdom you have to make the best decisions. And listen to your heart.

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